The Secret Google Algorithm: Explained Exactly (Webmaster Excess 1)

“Being a webmaster is like being a rock star without having to know an instrument.” – Steve Lightspeed (in the Philippines)

The Phoenix forum at Hooters

Secret Google's Algorithm: Explained (Webmaster Excess 1)


I remember my first porn convention. “Big John” and I attended the New Orleans snow. Among the highlights when John sleepwalked into the elevator naked, being told to stand outside wall John pulverized some guys and walked out with a suitcase full of blood and later John pulled some dude's head through the window of a bus. I'm not sure why that happened, but I'm sure he had his reasons.



Anywhere You Can Get More Than One Pornographers Is A Gathering?


The conventions are still going, at a much smaller level, there was something known as a “webmaster gathering” that was where two porn webmasters or more would meet anywhere in the world to talk about “business opportunities.” What it boiled down to was a lot of going to whorehouses, drinking and getting more smashed than Lindsay Lohan on New Year's Eve. Although any proposed business could have more easily handled via IM or phone, it seemed better in exotic locations. The “gatherings” started in the US: Los Angeles, Phoenix, New Orleans, Miami, Tampa, etc., but as time went on, and our passports became thicker we would travel to Panama (Cuba), Colombia, Prague, Budapest, Curacao, Mexico, and the Philippines.

Included in “webmaster Excess” are highlights or lowlights of the many years of attending Webmaster gatherings. It seemed that during the boom years of porn which (which were from around 1999 to 2008)/ I'm not even sure which tale to tell me until I found what I'm about to show you.

Here is a little-known fact. Many may not know. The most important seminars at conventions are held at around 5 AM to exclusive private groups.

During this workshop, I accidentally spilled the beans on the entire Google algorithm to a small select group of webmasters.

(you might want to enlarge this)

The real secret behind the Google algorithm
The real secret behind the Google algorithm

<h2?Are You One Of Those Geeks That Reads Google Patients? This Is All You Need To Know

FIGURE A: Represents the highly guarded Google search technology in action.

FIGURE B: Represents my nuts doing the windmill to the left. The workings of FIGURE A are determined by which way my nuts are doing the windmill at the time. Many in the SEO community believe that when my nuts are windmilling to the left; highly optimized search terms tend to get better ranking.

FIGURE C: Represents the SERPs (Search Engine Result Pages) – you will notice in FIGURE B that my nuts are windmilling to the left and highly sought after search terms have been pushed to the top.

FIGURE D: Represents the rest of the SEO community speculating on the direction of my nuts and optimizing their pages accordingly.

There you have it – the secret Google algorithm explained. Who says you can never find the good shit on blogs?

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Jason Quinlan

Internet Marketer, Musician, ex-adults Exec - the most notorious guy you never heard of.