Catholic school was a great place to meet other like-minded fuck-ups. When I was 13. I was walking home from school, with my best friend Crabtree talking about metal. Crabtree decided he would get a drum set; I would buy a guitar, and we’d start a band. We completed it with our buddy Crowface on bass and vocals. Crowface also didn't know how to play an instrument or sing, but that didn't stop us. We called ourselves Rumble Pig. We loved Carnivore, S.O.D., Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax and had some punk thrown in the mix.
We practiced in Crabtree's parent's basement and then would get high in the dugout at the baseball field across the street. Crowface and I wrote our first song “Nuclear Death” in his parent's basement. The riff I wrote was a total rip on the intro of “Jesus Saves” by Slayer. Crow face wrote the words: “Let's go blow up Russia, Let's go blow up Iran, I don't care where it is, As long as it's foreign land!” We were super politically correct as you can see!
Uncasville was BORING! The Mohegan Sun Casino is there now, prior to that it was nothing but a cow town. For excitement, we hung out at the gas station, smoked pot, and drank beer if we could get our older friends to buy it. But, our primary form of entertainment was making up nicknames for EVERYBODY. I was “Mushroom Head”, there was “AntMan”, “Snakeman”, “Iceman”, and there was Crabtree’s Dad “Fred” and we called his mom “The Color Green” even though I'm not sure why. I'm sure there are 1000 more I can't remember, feel free to add them in the comments if you were there at the time.
Yeah, it was that boring, so the band was a fun diversion.
We all played together from the time we were 13 to 17. Are songs were straight-up thrash metal, offensive, politically incorrect and sometimes racist (thanks S.O.D.). We had songs like “Mexicans” (“Mexicans, fire-breathing, Breath stinking, Mexicans”), “Revenge Of The Towelheads” (inspired by author of “The Satanic Verses” Solomon Rushdie, who was having his Islamic problems at the time) and “Prostitutional Massacre” whose punch-line was “God dammit, I’ve got aids!!”
That was in 1987. “Too soon” wasn’t in our vocabulary.
We recorded one 6-song demo tape with a four-track my parents bought me for Christmas. I wish I still have a copy. I'm amazed, even to this day some of my friends can remember the songs.
We've played our first show at a VFW hall that was converted for a day or two a month into a punk club called the Populace Pudding. GG Allin was working as a porter cleaning up the bathrooms at the time. He was recently released from prison and in Connecticut. We didn't listen to him, but we were well aware of who he was. I had a girlfriend who hated our band. She stayed out by the truck while we played, and when I got off stage, she said that the sweet “Jesus looking” guy had been talking to her while we rocked the house. I told her it was GG Allin; she didn't know who that was. I took her to the front of the club where he was selling homemade posters of himself fucking dead cats.
The swell chap I must say.
I had a few other close friends. One was Gordon Conrad, who I'd known since we were two because our families were friends. Over 20 years later Gordon became a big shot for a Relapse Records. I remember he had this girlfriend nicknamed “Munky” for a few months and then they broke up. Years later, Crabtree wound up banging Munky. Gordon still won’t talk to me and wouldn't even listen to a Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles demo, because he knew I was Crabtree's best friend.
Talk about holding a grudge!
There wasn't a lot of places to play locally, especially when you were underage, Rumble Pig's coup d'état came during our high school graduation party. We were all bound for college. So we were kind of sure we would never play again. They had this cheesy cover band playing Rick Springfield song, and we went on stage and did a guerilla gig.
I think a lot of the kids in school knew that we were all in a band, but they didn't know how good we were, so the crowd went crazy. The cover band had a hard time getting back onstage after that.
They had just felt the wrath of the pig!
I recorded this a few years ago, just for posterity on my home studio and to demonstrate how the world is changed little since Salman Rushdie. I play every instrument on the track and made the video.
It's not like I make money writing this. Donations are always appreciated! 🙂